Deeper Into The Self Via Gautama’s Vipassana

Last year I ran into three people in the state of Oregon while taking a natural building class at the Cob Cottage Company, Louise, Ángel, and Ksenya. The meeting with Ksenya at the Oregon Washed Ashore Project in Bandon was a surreal incident in itself, but I digress. All three talked to me about a type of meditation called Vipassana. Having started my own type of meditation I listened politely but did not imagine that I would ever try it. However, I could not get it out of my mind that I had been approached on three different occasions regarding this particular meditation method. The number three represents synchronicity for me. If I receive information about some topic from three different sources then I feel it is something I need to look into. This year I met a fourth person, Francisco Javier E. F., who also shared his Vipassana experience. When I then moved to within two hours of a Vipassana center I felt I could no longer pass up the opportunity, and booked a 10-day retreat.

The center was located in a very rural area, surrounded by densely forested hills. Friendly volunteer staff welcomed a group of about 60 students (new and old) to the campus. Accommodations were spartan (by design) but functional. Meals were simple vegetarian Japanese dishes. Example: rice (brown and white), soup (thin, with vegetables), bread, and “tsukemono” (toppings) . Supper at 5pm was always popcorn and half a banana and a small bunch of grapes. Tea, water, and coffee were also served at each meal.

It was a source of some amusement to see students grappling with various parts of the “Code of Conduct.” Japanese have very set patterns on how to navigate a crowded space, this includes motioning with the hands and perhaps a quick nodding of the head. Many of the new students could not shake those habits but older students showed surprising poise in not succumbing to those natural urges.

Managing the meditation hall, the place where the most mystical events transpired and at once the source of the greatest distractions, proved to be quite a challenge for the support staff volunteers. There was an excessive attempt to regulate the inside temperature, perhaps out of an aversion to a high electric bill. Windows would be opened part way, all the way, and closed, fans would be turned on and off, the air conditioners were and were not used, all in an attempt to maintain a comfortable temperature. I wondered why they didn’t just leave the AC units on during all meditations leaving all the windows closed to minimize distractions.

Siddhārtha Gautama’s Song

Day 1: I was sitting in the back of the meditation hall following the “Anapana” exercise, concentrating on “nothing but the breath, bare breath, pure breath.” Towards the end of the session the meditation teacher, Chris Wooden, played S.N. Goenka’s closing chant. I suddenly became very groggy, almost like I was entering the hypnogogic state. I wondered why that would be as I was feeling very fresh after a full night’s sleep. After the chant Goenka and his wife launched into song. The groggy effect faded. As the music eventually faded I suddenly found myself propelled backwards, away from the song, the hall, and everything else at seemingly subluminal speed. I did not see any images, everything was dark. Simultaneously I was aware that I was still sitting the the hall, back erect, eyes closed.

Day 3: I was continuing the anapana exercise of Day 1. At around 06:25 Mr. Wooden again played the song. This time as the couple sang a vividly clear “carpet” appeared before me. I was tempted to open my eyes but I kept them closed. The carpet was deep red and had several repeating patterns woven into it. The viewpoint seemed to be from above. Suddenly the viewpoint changed and dynamically moved around, down, and up. Simultaneously I was aware that I was still sitting the the hall, back erect, eyes closed, head facing straight ahead and not moving.

Day 5: I was now practicing Vipassana. Again, at the same time of day, during the couple’s song something happened. An arbor of bright green leaves appeared. I was slowly drifting backwards through the passageway. The leaves resembled organically stylistic “Hindi”-type words or phrases. This time there was no temptation to open my eyes, I simply “let it play” without judgment.

I became very curious about the song as I seemed to be having unsolicited events occur during the singing. I scheduled a time slot to speak with the meditation teacher after lunch on Day 3. He was uncertain what the couple was singing about but reassured me that there were translations to all the chants and songs online which I could access upon course completion. I wanted to describe what was happening but he limited the discussion to questions about the anapana technique so I dared not venture into that territory and decided to wait for a more opportune time.

After the Day 5 incident I became extremely curious about the song. The incidents had happened three times, and always during the couple’s song at around 06:30. Fortunately, during the evening discourse on Day 5 (a taped S.N. Goenka talk from the 1990’s somewhere in the U.S.A.), Goenka touched on that particular song. Here is Goenka in his own words. Upon hearing his explanation I was slightly surprised but in the end I did not give much importance to the three incidents — they were very hard to ignore nonetheless. The song lyrics and translation follow:

Catch The Wave

On Day 4 we started the Vipassana meditation technique (versus Anapana practiced in Day 1 – 3). It’s interesting because my head, especially near my crown chakra, immediately had a lot of sensation. It felt somewhat similar to the tapping I felt when doing the Dan Winter Secret Sound + Patrick Flanagan NEO Neurophone combo. Also the gentle body tinglings that I sensed reminded me of the sensations I experienced while practicing Robert Bruce’s out-of-body light body activation techniques. There were occasional itchy patches which dynamically appeared then disappeared. It reminded me of the sensations I got while practicing Robert Peterson’s out-of-body techniques. Mr. Peterson had stated that it was just a stage one went through when concentrating the mind while preparing to enter the hypnogogic state. Vipassana stops right there, however, and only pays equanimous, non-judgmental attention to those sensations which arise and vanish spontaneously. I felt numbness, cold, itchiness, and other undefined sensations.

About an hour in a huge itch erupted on my right ribcage. In Vipassana they call it a “gross physical sensation.” It was like the itch took on a 3-D body and ripped up through my skin fracturing my ribs in the process, sending blood and guts flying in all directions as it breathed fresh air for the first time. Turning around it looked me dead in the face and grunted, “What.” Almost as in, “You got a problem, huh?” My mind was much exercised at this point, to put it mildly, desperately repeating the Pali word, “anicca” which means change or changing, as in, this too shall pass — let’s see how long it will last. Oh how my fingers wanted to strum that area of my body. I have never experienced an itch that powerful. I was focusing on my head area when I was so rudely interrupted by the itch witch. Vipassana teaches that one should not jump all over the body following sensations but start at the top and make one’s way to the toes (at least, initially). As such, with every ounce of concentration I continued down the head as the itch flamed wildly on my right side. Suddenly, an extremely unexpected event occurred. A silky smooth, lighter-than-electricity stream of energy about 6 inches wide flowed down my body from my right shoulder, through the itch, across to my left thigh. As it flowed I sensed even smaller wavelets in the dreamy stream. It flowed again down my body in the exact same area then vanished just as quickly as it had appeared. Mr. Itch, The Gritch was much subdued now. Once my focus finally passed that area within moments the itch dematerialized, never to be sensed again during the remaining time at the Center. I found out that some experience the silky electric dream stream all over their body continuously. One eventually arrives at that point apparently. But then the danger becomes one of craving, not wanting that sensation to end.

Buddha Tech

I feel the need to mention a dream I had related to a Enlightened One. Growing up I was a part of an organized religion but it was not Buddhism. In 2013, one year after “changing spiritual paths”, I recorded this dream in my dream journal:

10.08.2013 [snip] I decided to try Todd Acameisis’ breathing technique for meditation in the living room. I fell asleep. Somehow I was looking down at an iPhone-type device. It seemed to be made of pure crystal. The display was super high resolution. There was this black image on a pure white marble background. I focused my attention. As I tilted the screen the image would change. I realized I was seeing a realtime view and that the black image was that of a huge Buddha statue in a reclined position. It was as if I was looking through the eyes of this statue, gazing at its feet. The next realization was instead of tilting the device up to have a look around the beautiful scenery on the screen I should point the device towards my heart (by doing so I would be unable to physically see what was on the screen). Upon doing so, I had the feeling of being hit by a huge wave/beam of tangibly warm energy, it filled my being. I gave thanks to it and praise. [snip]

Somehow the rest of the dream was NSFW. Moving right along! That was my first experience with Buddhism. Fast forward 3 years, now I find myself taking a course that includes a technique allegedly crafted by Siddhārtha Gautama.

Play It Again, Just One More Time

I had an experience near the very end of the 10-day meditation dealing with a support staff which set off my replay instincts. When something happens that is upsetting I have a tendency to analyze the heck out of the exchange. Perhaps they were having a bad day, lack of social skills, perhaps I was being too sensitive, perhaps I heard wrong, etc. ad nauseam. Sometimes the analysis takes on a life of it’s own and lurches into overdrive with seemingly no way to reign in the thoughts. It’s as if there is an old geezer sitting in front of a next gen interface with a gigantic life-like resolution display holding a svelte control console. He presses the play button and when the recording reaches the end he hits the replay button. He becomes more and more emotionally involved and excited as each time the experience plays out there are slight variations. Meanwhile another part of me is trying to do something else and keeps getting interrupted by this “gross psychological sensation”, so to speak. As the interaction in question happened at the very end of the day the only thing left to do was sleep. I lay down but the old geezer had figured out a way to speed up playback and set the controls so that he no longer had to press the instant replay button — it was set to loop automatically. There was no way I was going to sleep in that condition.

I decided to implement the technique I had been practicing for the past few days. “Ah, the instant replay has started, let’s see how long it will last.” No attachment as in craving for the replay to end or aversion that the replay was playing. No judgment of the content of the “video” either. I simply maintained awareness of all the elements that had come together to direct, produce, sponsor, and executive produce the film. Suddenly the show stopped. I waited, turning this way and that on my bed, rearranging my pillow. Then the instant replay started anew. I repeated the “phrase that pays.” Immediately the replay stopped. The frequency of the start/stop of the instant replay slowed considerably. It was almost as if the old geezer was becoming self conscious of being observed. Whereas before he could operate with impunity and run the show ragged now he had been “seen.” It was funny because when next “he” tried to replay the experience it was almost as if he looked carefully in all directions, squinting, then gingerly, very cautiously, as quietly as he could, pressed the replay button. I smiled, repeating the “let’s-see-how-long-it-will-last” phrase. Immediately the replay stopped. In between “shows” I followed S.N. Goenka’s advice and simply tried to equanimously feel any sensations on my body. Goenka stated that as long as the body is in a rested position and the mind can do the feeling exercise one can go the whole night and still arise refreshed. I started counting how many times the replay was attempted. The frequency slowed even more but every once in a while it would try to sneak in again only to stop immediately upon being dispassionately observed. I got to 12 before I heard someone’s alarm signaling that we had 30min before the 04:30 meditation in the meditation hall. I’m sure I got some sleep but it seemed like it was very little. Nevertheless, I was ready to hit the ground running with no feelings of fatigue. Oh, and the following morning the issue between the staff member and myself was resolved in a very nice way. Interesting.

Along this line, while doing a meditation on my bed later on a thought entered my consciousness. I don’t remember what it was now but I used the same “phrase that pays” in observation of the thought. Immediately it subsided but I was totally unprepared for what followed. The next thought that surfaced was, “Go %&@$ yourself!” There was a brief pause as I wondered, “Did that just happen?” Then I used “the phrase” on that thought as well. It vanished, never to come back again. I continued to monitor sensations on my body. Things were getting real, or maybe unreal….LOL! One of the male participants (a Japanese guy) left on Day 8 — two days before the end of the course. I wonder what he experienced.

Lucid

One night before sleeping I stated internally that “I now experience a lucid dream and get answers about Vipassana.” That night I had a dream but I don’t remember the content as the Center did not allow for any items that might distract the meditator, including but not limited to pencil and paper. I realized I was dreaming and became aware. I “shouted,” “Is anyone there?” No answer. I had this weird sensation where my body seemed to still be asleep but my awareness was floating gently above it. Before me was a type of painting in muted earthy tones. There were several human figures drawn in a particular style, kind of like a fusion between

cubism…

and this style…

I was confused. Should I try to fly into the painting, wait before it, initiate an out-of-body technique? I could simultaneously feel my body laying in bed at the Center. In my hesitation I fell out of my dream and awoke.

Take Away

I still feel like I resonate with Maruti’s philosophy. When one asked him how one goes beyond the mind he replied:

“…just stay put in the thought and feeling ‘I am’, focusing ‘I am’ firmly in your mind. All kinds of experience may come to you — remain unmoved in the knowledge that all perceivable is transient, and only the ‘I am’ endures.”

The Vipassana technique is similar in that it considers everything perceivable as temporary, everything (including one’s body from millisecond to millisecond) is always in flux — “anicca, anicca, anicca.” So how does one “just stay put in the thought and feeling ‘I am’, focusing ‘I am’ firmly in [one’s] mind?” This, for me, is where the Vipassana technique comes in — by focusing on the sensations of the body to release new and old Sankaras to slowly creep out of Dokkha, by living a life congruent with Dhamma — the order that makes (im)perceivable life possible. One of the differences between the two, however, is that Maruti refused to talk about ethics and would when pushed state that one does what one must (i.e. the responsibilities of a householder would continue). Vipassana, on the other hand, is very specific. There are some aspects of Vipassana that did not resonate with me. For example we were taught a metta (universal compassion and loving-kindness) meditation at the end of the course in which the phrase, “may all beings experience my good merits” or some such was included. “My?” I thought the whole point was the dissolution of the self to the point where one innerstands that all that one senses and perceives is not one’s own. I actually wanted to get into the philosophical aspects of Dhamma (i.e. is Dhamma just one layer of the holographic onion where if one goes to another dimension another governing law of nature might exist, etc.) but the way the training center gets around this is to state that they only cover as much theory as can be practiced and vice-versa. As such, discussing states beyond nirvana, for example, should be discussed when one is actively experiencing that state. But what of lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences, or lucid encounters with star brother and sisters in dreamtime or in the waking state? Silence. Now that I think about it, the “Ra Social/Memory Complex” presented a similar idea in stating to Don Elkins:

I am Ra. This is agreeable with two requests which must be made. Firstly, that an attempt be made to state the student’s grasp of each archetype. We may then comment. We cannot teach/learn to the extent of learn/teaching. 77.23 The Law Of One, The Ra Material produced by Love/Light Research

That said, I believe I did get benefit from the course and continue the practice to “give the technique a fair trial,” as Goenka would say. In October a group of us from the course hope to start a weekly 1-hour online sitting for old students via Skype.

“May all beings experience real peace, real harmony, real happiness.” — S.N. Goenka